My suicide note
by monkeys-love-nanners
Summary: Bella cant take any more. Set in NM. She wants to die. Language. I never swear but i got into it. Read and Review' I am quitting all stories.'
1. Chapter 1

**I OWN NOTHING! Stephanie Meyer does!**

**Also… I really love this plot, but if I don't get at least 5 reviews, I will quit this story.**

**Review would be lovely! Read on!**

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**God, why de he leave me? **

**I know I'm not special, not pretty, not smart enough to stand up to his qualifications, but **_**Jesus,**_** it hurts so bad.**

**Nothing could distract me from the constant pain ripping me up inside like open flames in a scalding fire.**

"_**I don't want you,"**_** he spoke; and those words- those four fucking words- are to be embedded in my memory- forever.**

**Jake, cliff-diving, motorcycles, all too childish for what I was about to do next.**

**Commit my suicide, of course, if you were wondering. My tourniquet left me, my god, my lover, my best friend- was gone- it was just a stupid game.**

**The stupid game that caused me to endure so much pain, Charlie to endure pain, hell- even Angela to be in pain. The sight of my lifeless brown eyes was too much for her to bare. **

**My shaking hands reached out for a piece of blank white paper and a pen, and I wrote one last poem before writing my death letters.**

_**Blood drips slowly**_

_**Man creeps lowly, outside of your door.**_

_**Knife upraised, life is lost**_

_**Your body on the floor**_

_**Blood is red on your bed**_

_**The cruel man watches with no bore**_

_**Your eyes close, breathing stops…your heart beats no more.**_

**( AN: Sorry everyone. This is one of my poems I wrote when one of my friends was in hard times. Her pain was my pain. Onward.)**

Tears fell gradually as I wrote my poem. To an outsider, this would look…depressing and odd and most of all; too dramatic. But to me, _he- _that cruel man- was my killer. He took my heart and played with it, knowing it could be replaced any time he wanted. My blood soon would be on the sheets, however, if everything went right.

Edward's POV

"That's it!" I screamed, "I'm done! I can't take it anymore!"

The gray walls of the basement I was in shuddered through the establishment, making any one upstairs in the restaurant, shut up with a start.

I didn't really care. I just needed Bella back.

What really caused me to leave her? Protection was the main point but what about beauty and insecurity? No matter what, I was never going to be compared to Bella, she was better than me. Better than the devil that tainted each wisp of air when he didn't need it.

"Beauty," I muttered, "Many people love and envy. But it is for the light of Bella's soul her beams- her golden beams will light up this jealous world." **( Sorry again! My poetry once again…"**

My feet wandered their way out of an emergency exit and I set off running. The thrill of the run was nothing compared to flying air born in an airplane; besides, what does a demon need to be doing first class on a machine? Nothing, I tell you. Absolutely nothing.

"Insufferable fool!" I shouted at myself. My eyes watered with venom tears that would never fall.

"Bella, please, my love. Wait for me. I need you. Please- oh please- forgive me. I'd give you anything in the world," I cried while running my hand through my tangled, greasy hair.

My thoughts were interrupted by my phone ringing._ Alice_.

I, stupidly, answered it.

"What?" I asked miffed for taking me out of my minds conflictions.

"YES! Finally, Edward, you see the light of Lisbon! It took you damn long enough!" her voice froze for a a few seconds until I heard her labored breathing, "Bella, God no! Edward! Hurry up! Don't be…too late! Bella," she sniffled," She's gonna commit suicide! Hurry! Run faster!" the phone clicked off.

My eyes widened and I ran faster than ever before, faster than twelve newborns combined. I was speed lighting.

Something cold and stingy whispered across me cheek. My hand reached up to inspect further.

I was crying.

**Bella's POV**

I had everything.

The knife and the pills. I just needed to write the letters.

One to Alice.

_**Alice,**_

_You were my best friend. You probably are the only best friend to me. Please, if you see this in your vision, don't try and stop me. I've waited far too long for this and I wont give this up._

_But this isn't the point. The point is that, even though you don't love me, I will always love you._

_Even in death, my love for you will continue on._

_Be safe xxx_

_-Bella_

I kissed my letter shut, showing how much I loved her. Surely, she would be able to detect my kiss on the lined paper.

One to Charlie and Renee.

_**Dad and Mom,**_

_Mom, I remember you once telling me, "Wherever you are happy is where you belong," and I'm not happy here. _

_Hopefully, I got up with the spirits in the sky, if not the confines of hell would be better than this torture here on Earth. Just remember mom, I'll always love you._

_And dad…I'm sorry I couldn't be the daughter you wanted me to be. Having to watch your own flesh and bones walk around like a zombie and be lifeless- no father should ever go through that, yet here I am, proving I can be selfish. So, I'm going to e selfish one more time and end my sorrow to be happier._

_Please know this is going to be the only way I can fine peace and I will see you both in the afterlife._

_All my love, your daughter,_

_Isabella Marie Swan xxx._

My tears were hard and wet on that letter, and next, on the letter soon to come, I knew it would be the hardest of them all.

_**Edward,**_

_I'm sorry. For everything I've done to you and your family. I guess I wasn't smart enough to know that all you wanted was a game. To play around with for a few months, through out, and find a new one in the next day or two._

_I never knew you were that kind of person, yet I didn't know I was going to be the toy._

_Even though your vicious character has me mesmerized, I will never stop loving you._

_The first kiss, the first dance, the fake love are memories I will always cherish and hopefully bring with me into…wherever I'm going after my death._

_I will always love you and hopefully, you will never forgot me and remember to put some flowers on my grave every now and then. It would be highly appreciated, yet I am asking for too much._

_Goodbye and good rid dens,_

_Bella. Xox._

Tears were pouring hot and fast down my cheeks. I bit my lip so hard it drew blood and I immediately tasted the salty taste on my tongue and for once in my life, I savored the feeling.

Creepy? Immensely so.

Finally, my time of release.

I grabbed the pills and looked at the bottle for a moment. I opened the lid and swallowed all of the small blut little pills dry. Everything, now was becoming lighter and cloudy.

I grabbed the knife quickly, knowing I only had 20 minutes before my eyes closed forever.

I dragged the ragged metal across my ivory skin hard and deep. The pain being emitted slowly transformed into pleasure and I repeated the action several times, on both arms, before the bloods scent sent me into dizziness.

I lay there for ten minutes, staring blankly at the white wall and staring blankly at it. I heard a crash from my window and the sound entered my muffled ears. My head was too lazy to form upwards.

"_BELLA!_" I heard a velvet scream.

I smiled slightly at the illusion.

"Bella, please, you c-c-an't give up," my angel was sobbing. Angels shouldn't cry. "I need you too much. It was all a lie. Bella don't leave me," He whispered brokenly, " Please don't leave me."

I whispered words with the strength I amazingly beheld.

"Find someone new," I said almost inaudibly.

"I cant! Bella, you're my only love! Don't give up, love. Don't. Stay." he bellowed.

I could fell him biting me and the cold venom surging through my empty veins but I was too far gone for anyone to know.

I remembered there was something he needed to know.

"E-E-Edward-d-d- m-my letter," I spoke as the life was being dragged out of me.

"What letter?! Bella, fight for me, keep fighting dammit!" he screamed desperately.

"My suicide letters…" And then, then I was gone.

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_**Did anyone like it? Sorry about the poetry, I just thought it would fir well into it.**_

_**Please review and leave me feedback**_

_**Monkeys-love-nanners.**_


	2. Chapter 2 The fire

Okay, guys, so thank you! I got so many emails of support, and for that I'm going to try to make this into a story!

I'm just going to need encouragement and some ideas any of you are having. Also, if any of you readers would like to be my beta, PM me or something.

I down own anything. Stephanie Meyer does…Gosh, I hate writing that!

Anyways, onward!

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_Edward's POV_

I was a mere 2 minutes away from Bella's house. Hopefully, what ever Alice saw was just a hoax. I know she would never joke around with such a subject, but I could only hope that's what she was doing. Bella would surely never commit suicide.

I was now 30 feet within Bella's house and I could smell the sweet floral scent…but it was stronger than it used to be. Or should I say stronger then _I _wanted it to be.

Panicking, I ran the rest of the distance and ripped the door off if its hinges. I would fix it later.

"Bella?!" I yelled, "Love, hold on! Please hold on!" I wailed.

I entered her room and nearly had a heart attack. Quite an impossible feat for a vampire, mind you.

Bella's body was drowsy and drifting to a world beyond me. Her arms were covered in bloody cuts, due to the satanic knife lying in her lap. I don't think I was ever more disgusted by blood until this very day.

But something too important brought me out of my horrific daze.

Bella's heartbeat was getting softer and softer with every dripping second.

"Oh, God, no! Bella," I kneeled before her; wishing desperately that her eyes would open. "Bella, please open your eyes. I need you Bella, you have got to stay with me. Don't leave," I cried desperately.

Deep down in my cold heart, I could tell I was the reason for this. The reason Bella would drive herself to suicide.

I could tell she wouldn't last long, and I wouldn't have any of that. I needed her, and she needed me.

We completed one another, and that couldn't happen if she was…gone.

I bit her luscious white skin on every area it was apparent. Lightning crashed form outside, mirroring my emotions. All that was needed was more rain.

My darkest fears were granted. The dark fears lingered with me; haunted me for a better sound out.

What may you ask was so cruel to me? So terrifying?

_**Bella wasn't breathing. Her heart became slower, the venom- my venom- isn't working!**_

"NO!_ BELLA!"_ my pitch black eyes watered, "Please fight for me. You've got to keep fighting, love. I need you!"

Her heart stopped.

BELLA'S POV ( Not expecting that, were ya?)

One minute I was free, and then the next I'm burning. Burning as if in the deepest fires of hell. Fire scorched my veins from head to toe and I struggled to keep my screams contained in my diaphram.

What's happing to _me?_

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**Okay, guys I know that was super short, but if anyone wants me to make this into a story, I'll try. If not, this will only go on one chapter to wrap it up.**

**Love to all my readers- and I also need a beta *wink*wink.**

**Monkeys love nanners**


	3. Our eyes

I really would like to thank all of the people who reviewed. I am very used to people saying my writing was terrible, horrific, etc. etc.

Some people liked my poetry, amazingly, so I'm going to try to get some of that stuff in there.

And also, any amazing fan of mine, I need a beta! Usually, there aren't many errors, but sometimes…stuff happens--I'm only human.

P.S. I own nothing, I just stole Stephanie Meyer's characters. ;).

Onward!

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_Bella's POV_

What. The. Hell.

One minute, I was in the confines of darkness and then burning enraptured through my veins. Screams were threatening to burst through my lips, but I tamed them. Surely, this pain was nothing compared to what _he- _Edward- did to me. I winced, not from the pressure of the pain, but from the stupidity of my mind, recalling his name into my un-used brain cells.

A new wave of acidic pain surged through me once again, heating me uncomfortably to the very bone.

_Jesus Christ, oh, please have mercy!_

Then in one second, I remembered the same pain. I recognized it immediately.

And I knew what was happening to me.

I was turning into a vampire.

**Edward's POV**

I heard Bella's heartbeat start to pick up, stutter( which worried me greatly), and then speed up( what relieved me greatly).

I carried my Bella and ran with her, somewhere deep and far into the woods until- strangely, might I add- there was a log cabin built directly into it. It looked fresh, brown, and capable for a living human. So, I ran with Bella into the cabin. There was a small white couch located in the center of the living room- in which I presumed- and laid Bella's broken body onto it.

I gazed at her with a desperate soul. Her canvas- which usually and still is- a loving rule. All I saw in me now was a man that betrayed her and turned her life into a miserable hell of agony-_ which_, might I add, will also kill her- no pun intended- when she see's my cruel satanic face, it will cause her more hell- once again, no pun intended.

That's all I was doing, adding more pain into her life. But it was unbearable to leave her, and surely I learned from my lesson that being separated from Bella was worse than the change of my own transformation. The pain would equal some where probably about 10 times the amount of pain, and that is saying something- no, the pain isn't comparable to anything.

But now, since I am a selfish bastard, I changed my love. I had to! In some sort of sick way, I convinced myself to bite. If Bella died, then I killed myself; causing more grief for my family. But, however, if I changed her like they always wanted- like I always wanted secretly and Bella did too, not to forget- then everyone was happy.

What a sadistic demon I am.

But somewhere deep in my heart, I knew that in the end, everything would work out… hopefully.

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Time passed unevenly for me, I could only imagine what Bella was going through.

Thankfully, it would be over soon.

"Come on, Bella. Only a couple more hours," I whispered.

*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_

Two hours passed and Bella looked stunning- even more so then in her human life which I thought was impossible.

_Thumpthumpthump…thump thump…thump….. _no pulse. It was over.

Bella opened her eyes.

We both gasped.

Her in shock, and me in awe or her beauty.

_***&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&***_

_**Sorry everyone! I know you hate me with that cliffy But I have some problems.**_

_**1. Ideas aren't coming quickly enough.**_

_**2. I need a beta.**_

_**3. Others are discouraging me from continuing this story.**_

_**And finally.**_

_**4. I need you guys to review what top three stories you want me to continue. It'd be highly appreciated.**_

_**Once again, sorry,**_

_**All my love---- Monkeys-love- Nanners**_


	4. PLEASEE!

_**PLEASEE! READ! **_

_**You guys! I know you think I've been dead! I HAVENT! **_

_**Listen, I need some ideas for my stories! I'm coming up blank! If you give me an idea and I like it, I'll give you a shout out and all that jazz!**_

_**Tell me which stories you like the best, and I can retype them and add some more new chapters. I feel so bad for not updating as frequently as I used to! D: So please, help me out! I HATE PUTTING YOU GUYS THROUGH THIS! **_

_**If I fail you like this ever again, I'm even giving you permission to get mad at me and write mean stuff! But please, leave a review or send a pm! **_

_**PLEASE! PLEASE!PLEASE!**_

_**-monkeys-love-nanners**_

_**PLEASE**_

_**Prologue**_

_**I, myself, always had thought I had a great group of my friends. Some girls, some boys. I always thought of them as being really trustworthy people. Even through out the years, by no means, on how many fights we got into, or how much stuff we were disagreeing on, we always seemed to move beyond that.**_

_**Always.**_

_**I guess I was wrong.**_

_**Chapter 1**_

"_**Its about time," I complained to my best friend, Elizabeth. "I mean, I don't know how much longer I could've put up with all those icky sixth graders."**_

"_**Ann, you are a sixth grader," she reminded me.**_

"_**Well, not anymore." I said happily while we walked the halls of our elementary school.**_

_**Finally, we were going to be in the eighth grade! That means, no more being treated like a kid. It was summer '09, bahy! And I was going to enjoy it with Elizabeth, and as many of my friends as possible. **_

_**Elizabeth, or as I like to call her 'Liz', have always been the friends. But that wasn't until fifth grade, when we finally pronounced to each other we were best friends. Liz had beautiful shoulder length hair and gorgeous amber eyes. She was short at the height of 5'5, just like me, but that was considered an average girl height in Ohio. Actually, Elizabeth and I were very advanced for our age, her being more so than me. But we understood things better than a normal 12 year old would, or so I thought. We ranged ourselves in the high school category…not to sound cocky or anything. Sometimes I have a bad habit of doing that. Sorry.**_

"_**We need **_**to have at the very least, three sleepovers." Liz told me as we passed fellow classmates walking in the opposite direction. I recognized some. They were considered, more or less, in the popular crowd. We weren't so into that, but of course you had to know their names since they were just **_**so**_** amazing. Blak.**

"**Deal," I told her looking in her eyes.**

**We made our way out to the busses, and silent departed with a few blubbery goodbyes and a big hug, and made our ways in the opposite direction, not looking back once, knowing that if we did, we'd just be running back into each other's arms. That was one of the many things considered the same about us, we were both very stubborn. We didn't want to admit when the other one was right, and we were wrong. I don't know if that's just Liz and I, or human nature, but either way, we were stubborn as males. And proud of it, too.**

**I guess you could call me a sarcastic person. But, honestly, what kind of person doesn't have sarcastic moments? I just tend to have them more regularly, nothing wrong with that. **

**Once I reached the **_**'oh so'**_** comfortable leather seat of the bus, I took my ipod out and drowned myself in the music, getting lost in certain beats and rhythms and lyrics. **

**I was dropped off at home about 10 minutes later, and once I was, immediately I remembered to turn on my phone which was in back pocket. I have such a horrible memory sometimes, Liz often teases me about it. Oh well.**

**My phone buzzed on to see I had a new test message from Liz. **

_**Hey, can we have a sleepover ASAP? I have something to tell you.'**_

**What? Why couldn't she just tell me at school? Of course, I had no rising suspicions except something was wrong.**

_**Sure! Lemme just ask my parents, k?**_

**That night, I talked to my mom and step dad, even though I looked at him as more of my father figure, and asked if we could have a sleepover. They both rave about how such a sweetheart she is all the time. I will admit sometimes I do get jealous because I think my parents love her more than me, but push those thoughts away when I realize I'm just acting insecure.**


	5. you NEED to read

Okay guys, your gonna be mad.

Some of my biggest stories….well…I don't know if I have much creativity left for them.

I'm probably gonna be glued to my computer for the whole day. I might start a new story, depending on what you guys want. Something you want me to write about for twilight, a certain plot. I'll write it if I like it, and I absolutely promise to update atleast twice a month.

If your review name is anonymous or not, I'll shout out for you. Please. I feel bad, and I want to type something and quit disappointing you guys! Ugh! Lol.

Please tell me in the review or PM what you want.

PLEASE!

-mln


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